Fran's Journal Fran's Journey of Hope

I guess it came as no surprise to me when I saw Rick the oncologist on Tuesday to hear that the CT Scan showed that the 4 chemo treatments had had no effect on the liver tumours. The scan showed that there is now innumerable tumours of the liver. As a consequence, Rick has ceased chemotherapy. There is one more drug that could be tried, but Rick believes that it will be ineffective and it has many side effects that would continue to make me feel sick. Because of the aggressive nature of the cancer, Rick feels that I have 6-8 weeks of quality life before I deteriorate. It is for that reason also that he does not want to subject me to further treatment, so I can have time getting back my strength, taste and be able to sort out all the things I want to do before I die.

This was indeed shocking news on the day we received it. But since then I have gained great peace, because once again I know what the nature of the beast is that I am dealing with. It has given me a purpose again to live.

While on chemo I was so focused on how horrid I felt and often I did not feel like living. I found it hard to experience joy and pleasure and felt that was what the rest of my life would be like. What was the use of doing anything because I was going to die.

In a turn around, now everything is of use. I have lots to do, things to plan and so many people that I want to see and have great memorable and pleasurable times with. I may not have long to live, but I am going to live it as long as I can.

Times given are just concepts. If I am feeling full of life in 10 weeks I wont be whinging, every extra moment is a blessing and gift. We all know people that were given a certain timespan and well out lived that. So time is in God’s hands and that is all I care. He will take me when he is ready and that is when it will be.

So folks, I am happy to fill my days with you. I am fairly mobile at the moment. I am on Fentanyl and Morphine for the pain, so am pain free. Just sometimes I get a bit tired. This has also given me a new lease on life because I can get about and not feel sore all the time. Down the line, they say I will get more tired and spend more time resting, but I am happy to go out and have as many visitors as possible. Cos I have lots to cram in!!