About 6 years ago I came across a song by Michael Bolton, called “Go the Distance” from the movie Hercules. Over the years I have played the song many times at great volume to let the words wash over me and encourage me through tough times. Over the past 3 months I have been soaking up the words again. They are so pertinent to where I am in life. The song talks about going through life’s journey, being strong, not giving up hope, to receive a hero’s welcome at the end. Because of the significance of the song in my life, Deane is going to incorporate the song in this website.
I had a liver ultrasound on Monday to assess the effectiveness of the chemo. Last week the endoscopy appeared to indicate that progress had been made. Unfortunately, the gastroenterologist that did the scope had not seen the stomach tumour before. Also most of the stomach tumour is in the stomach wall and not observable so accurate measurement of size and therefore assessment of chemo is not possible. The ultrasound therefore would give a more accurate indication.
Last night I was told that there had been significant increase in size of the liver tumours. The scan taken in August showed the largest liver tumour to be 1.6 cm. On Monday that tumour measured 4 cm. As no scans were done in October immediately before commencing chemo, it is not known if the chemo has been effective. It maybe that over the 2 months between finding the tumour and commencing chemo the tumour has grown to a size greater than 4 cm and the chemo has reduced its size or it may be that the chemo has not been effective at all.
The concern is that there is only a small range of chemo drugs that are effective against this sort of tumour, unlike other forms of cancer. So we will be continuing with the current regime with the hope that the next 4 cycles will be effective in reducing the size. Rick had been hoping that the scan would provide me with encouragement to continue chemo especially after 2 difficult cycles.
We were also advised that after this course of chemo the expectation is that there will be residual tumour mass that is resistant to the chemo. That there would be ongoing scans to monitor for new growth and that that is more likely to occur in a matter of months rather than years. Future treatment options would be explored at that time.
It was good that Mike was here at the time Rick came, as he was also able to ask questions at a time when we try to comprehend what this means for us. We have been given opportunity to consider our priorities, what we want to achieve, what provides quality to life, what are the things that really matter. Being given that opportunity is a gift that we need to be good stewards of and not fritter away any moments.
Every time I ponder my “Bucket List” the first thing that comes to mind is saturating myself with all the amazing, wonderful people who have crossed my path. To give them back love. To thank them for all they have done. Supporting me, sharing with me, opening their hearts to me, accepting me, encouraging me, loving me, giving me opportunity to grow, experiment, learn. That is an enormous task. Life has blessed me with so many experiences, so many people. Many passing ships, but I would so much love to see them one more time and tell them how that passing moment has impacted on my life.
Go the distance
I have often dreamed of a far off place, where a hero’s welcome would be waiting for me,
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face,
And a voice keeps saying, “This is where I am meant to be”,
I’ll be there someday, if I can go the distance,
I will find my way, if I can be strong, I’ll know every mile, will be worth my while,
When I go the distance I’ll be right where I belong.
On an unknown road, to embrace my fate,
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to him,
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait,
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I will see it through, and I won’t look back,
I can go the distance, and I’ll stay on top, no I won’t accept defeat,
It’s an uphill slope, but I won’t lose hope,
If I go the distance, then my journey is complete.
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part; a hero’s claims the mountain by his heart.
Like a shooting star, I will go the distance,
I will search the world; I will face it all,
I don’t care how far; I can go the distance,
Till I find my hero’s welcome waiting here, in your arms.
I will search the world; I will face its harms, till I find my heroes welcome waiting in your arms.
Michael Bolton