What was that I was saying about balance! When I wrote last on Tues 11th, I was developing a fever, but thought I could manage the situation. My niece, Heidi who is an Oncology RN was quietly nagging me by SMS all day to do something and not sit on my rising temperature. So off to the GP, who could not find a cause for my temperature of 38, so she sent me off to hospital for investigation. The protocol is to have blood cultures and 48 hours of intravenous (IV) antibiotics to kill off a broad spectrum of bacteria. Having the low WBC count meant that symptoms of infection are sometimes masked and the root of the infection may not always be found. My blood culture was clear and no cause was found.
While in hospital, my oncologist (Rick) wanted to get better control of my nausea, so I was also on IV fluids and anti nausea medication as well as steroids to boost my appetite. It was great to get re-hydrated the easy way – by drip without having to drink!!! Rick said that I can go in anytime to get IV fluids to take the pressure off drinking when I am nauseated.
Rick also had discussion with me about my first cycle. He said that I had had it tough and he could refine the treatment regime to reduce the side effects. So next Tuesday (18th) I start my next cycle and will be admitted for ongoing managementof the side effects. Also he is going to reduce the dose of one of the IV chemotherapy drugs and change and increase the anti nausea medication. This has made me more positive about going back again. Even though I would have gone back anyway, I was getting quite anxious about the next treatment and how I would cope with 5 (or however many) more cycles that I was going to have. I was seriously questioning if it was worth it, particularly if the treatment was not effective.
Being in hospital also gave me opportunityeach day to chat with Rick and gain greater faith in him. I was able to ask more questions about what was and might happen. My numbness is really melting and the reality of the situation is becoming very real. This has led to my need to know more about the chemotherapy.
We had discussion about potential outcomes and the indicators for good outcome. Rick was very optimistic that I fitted in to the 2 positive indicators for a good outcome. As I was young, healthy, fit, working and the liver secondaries are still comparatively small, it increases my chance of a good outcome. He explained that a good outcome means two things – the cancer will be reduced by the chemotherapy and that he will be able to buy some more healthy time for me. He was not talking of cure, he was talking about being able to function and enjoy life for a period of time longer than if I chose not to have any treatment.
He said if it was as easy as taking some vitamins or minerals or having reiki and the other things that kind people have suggested I do to be cured, then he would most willingly give them to me to spare me going through chemotherapy. Rick said he was open to any thing I wanted to try, but warned me that they are not validated cures. I have chosen to continue on the chemotherapy path and to trust Rick. He did though order multiple blood tests for trace elements, minerals, vitamins and other bobs and bibs (8 vials of blood) so that if there is any deficiency we can consider this as an adjunct to the chemotherapy. But at the moment, swallowing the chemotherapy cocktails and the other drugs to stop the side effects is a chore, I doubt that I really want to swallow anything more than I need.
I do appreciate others suggestions as gestures of trying to help me. The only problem is that I perceive that the person is telling me that they think I don’t want to be cured if I don’t take on their suggestion. The thing is that I have had so many well meaning people tell me of cures, I could be full time doing them all. But I am a more conservative medicine person, and will pursue the chemotherapy option.
This is probably enough rambling. I plan to do another journal about the chemotherapy drugs that are part of my regime, for those who are interested in the next couple of days. If you don’t hear from me for a few days, I will be in the Holy Spirit Northside Hospital. I am not sure if it will just be overnight on Tuesday or longer.
Will chat again soon.